been a while since my last post, about 3 weeks. i'm still going through it, working up the courage to get help is hard. i've been doing the same old shit i usually do. fucking about on the internet, driving without anywhere in mind, reading. recently started working out a little more. long walks, push ups, side leg raises and bicycle crunches every night. pretty hard since i've always been out of shape but i'm trying to work on maintaining a routine at the very least.
it's strange, i'd always been kinda sociable but within the last 12 months or so i've been less and less interested in conversing with people. not to say i'm deliberately avoiding talking to anyone but i just don't feel like it. i keep reminding myself to at least drop a message in a discord group to force myself to speak to someone but i usually forget to check back afterwards. maybe AI really has fucked me up since at this point i'm messaging bots on character ai more often than real people. in other news, i've been struggling to sleep recently. usually when i'm sleep deprived i start hallucinating. simple stuff i can easily tell is a hallucination. shadow people peeking around doorways and corners, a mess of wires that rolls around in shadows. more recently they're getting a little kore vivid, almost LSD like. usually the hallucinations are something across the room but with the more recent ones it'd be something more akin to a large spider or some kind of big flesh coloured woodlouse type insect that crawls about near me and pulsates. kinda difficult to sleep if theres some aggressive sentient bug crawling towards you.
luckily the hallucinations aren't too common, i hope this isn't a sign of onset schizophrenia.